World's worst hike

Well. Last Thursday was a doozy. After two years and choosing a trail that I’ve been on a hundred times, the outing was a record-setting disaster. Where to begin?

Now. To my credit, it began with a fabulous glow. The weather was cold but perfect for our Porcupine Poop hike, and I knew it would be fun to find the telltale tree for the newbies!

Off we went and when I made the ladies cross the first bridge and pose for a pic, I noticed that already there was a cheer to the group, laughs and buzz beginning.

I was so pleased that I decided to ask them to do a selfie - with a “showgirls” kick in our sexy thick hiking pants (a group selfie first). I was impressed that no one ripped a seam, but checking the pic now, it looks like no one’s leg got higher than their knee either. We are as flexible as I feared.

Next. Another first. Hot cider staged at another trailhead with additives on offer. (I had learned 140 degrees is the perfect temp for a hot bevy- thanks to Jenny who had googled the hell out of hot cider for this idea.)

The drink was fun, but I really wanted to show off my new portable selfie stick tripod instead. So I made them gather around and snapped a pic of the tripod - then them.

At this point, it was going fantastic! Although out of the huge turnout of 30 women, I suspected some of them actually thought we were in it for the hike. I offered them my apologies.

Ok. Time to get serious! I shouted. I locked up my traveling bar car and headed back on the trail, forcing them to follow me.

Things soon fell apart. I’m mortified and aghast at what happened next so I might as well come out with it.