The truth

After 4 years, you still find yourself waiting for the truth to come out. What was done. What was taken. What was said. How much it hurt you. But you realize this morning - jolted awake at 4 a.m. with the need to write this - the truth.

The truth is you’ve never felt this peaceful. Or loved. Or surrounded by so many good people.

The truth is you’ve walked a lot of days alone. Long, endless days filled with fear and uncertainty. Rage, too. Days you doubted yourself. The truth is those were some of the most important days of your life. The days you woke up, stood up, powered up. The days you stepped into yourself. The real you. The one you could respect. The one you left behind for a while there. The one you exchanged for another for far too long. The truth is you had to do it alone to figure it out, to figure you out.

The truth is those hard days led to these good days.

The truth is some days you miss them and that old life with a ferocity that almost doubles you over. The truth is you see how much of YOU was missing back then. And every second that you’re back, every flash of you that comes along, every big laugh that you might have held in before? Reminds you - it was an either/or situation. The truth is you’re glad you picked YOU.

The truth is that howling, empty space made room for new friends to arrive and old friends to rally around you in ways you wouldn’t let them before. The truth is you feel safe now in ways you didn’t before.

The truth is you have less to think about now. You aren’t trying to forgive the unforgivable anymore. You sing in the car more. You curl into your lover more. You laugh at your boys’ hijinx more. Your days are cleaner, truer, calmer. The truth is that you fall asleep at night, in peace.

The truth is you’ve found your “self” - after years of thinking that was bunk. The truth is you were operating in a system that counted on you very much thinking that was bunk.

The truth is life is simple now. Not simple as in easy. Simple as in real. You’re not playing both sides anymore. You trust who you are and what you feel. You stand in it. The truth is you lost people. You lost places. You lost things. But you made things, too. Mostly you’ve made your life - over time - true.

The truth is you made very little that first year, when you started over. The truth is you were scared out there on your own. The truth is that what you need, you can make. Money or otherwise - love, laughter, friendships and nights out under the stars ⭐️. The truth is it took you 4 years to rebuild your career. The truth is you now make it doing something that gives you back what had been taken - your creativity, confidence, joy - and freedom.

The truth is that some days it still swallows you whole, what they did. The truth is the farther you get from it all, the more whole you feel.

The truth is you feel like yourself again. Not the self you were before it ended. Farther back. The “you” before it started. Way back. The you who used to ski and laugh and throw snowballs. The truth is you show up again. You’re a little more tattered, but the truth is you’re also a little more beautiful this way. You’re deeper than before. It’s like the abrasion, the absolute sh!tshow, has turned up some part of you that you didn’t know you had. And the “you” now is something like the “you” before - but on fire 🔥. The laughter feels better. The days brighter. The play happier.

The truth is the road has been rough and unpredictable and heartbreaking. The truth is, it’s the same road you had to travel to become YOU. You didn’t want to get here this way, but the truth is you’re glad you’re here.

The truth is out.

🔥