Take no sh!t

I had an upsetting exchange this weekend. Warning bells clanged in my chest when I read the email. My body flooded with adrenaline. I was shoved back in time, to when my inbox was filled with that kind of talk all the time. It was horrible.

At first, and quick, trying not to let it ruin my day, I replied lightly and tried not to engage. I smoothed it over, not wanting to lose an opportunity or a relationship, asking where to send the payment for the event. I hit send, the adrenaline still in my veins, and started my day.

But it stayed with me.

My chest was banging all morning. Why was this hitting so hard? This one exchange meant nothing in the end! But, I could see it for what it was, my old pattern was back: Take sh!t and smile.

I kept asking myself: Was I going to let this kind of talk back into my life again?

That was a hard NO.

It had always been a hard no, but before I had been stuck. I was no longer stuck. I’d spent days, months, years getting strong, making my way out of that old system and towards positive interactions. I’d built an entire new business on happy energy. I’d been following the good stuff for a while now. I was not going back.

I sat down again, and this time I replied with the truth. That the exchange was uncomfortable and upsetting. That this was MY business – and my decision. Not theirs. And - the most important part - that working together was completely optional.

That! That was the epiphany. That I didn’t have to take this. Not anymore.

When the reply came back with more of the same, I simply excused myself from the situation and canceled the event. It was hard and upsetting, but it was doable. I’ll have to juggle some things and make a new plan. But, I’ll live.

It was (delightful) confirmation that I’m finally (!) in the “TAKE NO SH!T” stage of my life.

That phrase is fun, (very) fun to say and shout to your husband on a Sunday afternoon. But, yesterday I found that it wasn’t in the bravado - it was actually in the quiet moments. When I was sitting in my happy home but thinking about how someone else had spoken to me. When I was distracted from the cute guy sitting next to me in his fav chair. When I was only half-watching the big Lions game with the family all around.

And knowing that I didn’t need to go there with anyone anymore. That this exchange was a test: Would I fume with the disrespect of it (for a while, yes), or would I step back into my own good world and let go?